I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
