You just made me feel so damn special
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
