I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
