I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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