is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
