And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
