NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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