Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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