If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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