Redeem this text for a blowjob
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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