But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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