watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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