My friends, they love my intelligence
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
