I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
