I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
