Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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