You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
