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Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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