I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
