I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
