All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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