Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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