Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
