just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
