I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
