Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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