I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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