Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
