It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
