Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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