im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
