i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
