i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
