You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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