what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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