I think I died a long time ago.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
