I need to stop coming to work sober
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
