I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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