They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize