What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
