fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
