Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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