Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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