ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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