just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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