just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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