when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
