They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
