Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
