Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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