Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
