So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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