he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
