Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
