Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
