Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
