Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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