he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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