You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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