There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
