I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
